Indecision Brings Inspiration?

There’s a lot I’m undecided about.  I just wish I knew what I was doing.

Juggling schoolwork and a family is the easy part.  One subject a day, no problem.  It’s the rest of my life that I”m undecided about.  I’ve gotten lazy because of it, too.  Don’t ask me how or why, I just have and am.

I know I have schoolwork to do.  I know I have a baby to take care of.  I also know I have house chores like dishes, but I’ve been too lazy and mopey to do them.  Not because I have other stuff to do, and not because I’ll get to them when I’m tired of seeing them sitting there and piling up.  I guess it’s because I’m suffering from a mixture of depression from not being able to go anywhere and of massive train-wreck-like thoughts running through my mind.

I’m ultra-distracted a lot lately.  Either from thoughts of what must be done, which I may or may not forget the next morning, or whether I’m doing the right thing by continuing my education.  I get one problem wrong in Math and I’m not-so-confident in it anymore.  I’m psyching out and, instead of sticking to the “One Subject a Day” plan, I go back and concentrate, or try to concentrate on Math instead.  I guess I’m down-determined to show myself I can do it.

What I’m mostly anxious and undecided about is my topic for English121′s 1st Project paper.  I just reread and actually took in the fact it was supposed to be DESCRIPTIVE.  So not my area or expertise.  I’ve been working on describing things in my stories since I learned to write.  I can see it in my mind, but can never find the appropriate words to bring it to life on paper.  The topic is due on Sunday, 15Jan 2012.  What shall I write about?

For one, I’ve started by doing my-kind of brainstorming.  Just sitting at the computer, hands on the right keys and typing whatever comes to mind.  Being a writer, you’d think it would be easy for me to choose a topic to describe to my audience.

*gulp*  Yeah….right.

And monkeys fly out the hole in my butt and do the cha-cha.

My main problem with this whole Project thing is what topic would be good enough to show my true talent?  What do I know a lot about, besides a whole lotta nuttin?  Taking care of a baby?  Ten months experience.  Writing? 28 years experience.

If writing, than what about it? 

Looks like I have a lot of work ahead of me.  If you’ll excuse me…